I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
