In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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