I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
