There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
