how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
