Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize