he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
