Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Apparently you make a good broom.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize