thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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