I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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