Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
