Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
