I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
