Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
