That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
