That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Drake has all the answers
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
