so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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