omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
