where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
