I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
