Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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