hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
