So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
