if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
