i just had sex bonerless
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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