Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
