I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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