all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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