i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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