i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
