So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
