i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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