he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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