My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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