You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
