I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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