Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im six kinds of drunk right now
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
