I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize