I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
