i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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