My friends, they love my intelligence
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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