he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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