Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
