Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize