I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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