I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
