I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We're too hungover to prance.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
