i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
