Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
