Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
