We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
