yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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