I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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