going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
