Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
