You smell like stripper and shame
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
