U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
