nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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