If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
