Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
