whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
