Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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