yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
