Sponge bath it is.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
