Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
