im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
