mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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