I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
