If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
