Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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