If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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