Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
