How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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