You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
