I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
