i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
