alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
