and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
