FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
