tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize