Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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