I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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