Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
