:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
