the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
