I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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