Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
