is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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