I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
