My nipple is on Facebook.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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