I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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